Collins And Beckett

"He hid the weapons of mass destruction in all sorts of odd places. But we saw him hide it. We took photographs. We recorded discussions. We saw his links with terrorists. It is the most evil empire on earth right now. And he must be stopped!"

This story-teller is not some fiction writer. Or some movie star from Hollywood, the entertainment capital of the world. And the scene is far removed from Frankenstein territory. But this story-teller is a former war general turned American Secretary of State named Collins Powell. The scene is the floor of the great United Nations, which some folks who have a bad sense of humor call Talking Nations. The major character of the story is Saddam Hussein. And the devilish empire is Iraq.

The high point of the JAMES BOND story is not the satellite photographs (after all where are the weapons?) nor is it the Al Qaeda connection (after all if you are not with us you are against us - by George Bush). But the most interesting point of the over one-hour speech at the Talking Nations, sorry United Nations, is the voice recording. For these "devils" in Iraq were actually saying "hide it, hide it, hide it" in reference to the weapons of mass destruction, sorry wepunmassdistrucshun. I actually like the literary effect (The Arabic version is musical to the ears).

And after the great "revelation," war mongers went to town. They said that it has been proved that Iraq is actually a threat to world peace. What do they call a proven theory in Latin? Quod erat Demonstradum. Yes, the theory has been demonstrated that if Iraq is not disarmed right now, that "madman" directing events in that country will cause historians issuing titles like THE END OF ORDER. Or THE END OF HISTORY. Or THE END OF THE WORLD. What a pity! And these war mongers rolled out Ukulele the drum, and serenaded the movie star, Collins Powell.

But the pacifists were not impressed. First in that number was the Inspection Team in Iraq who thought they would have been handed these evidences ab initio, instead of making it a public show. (Forget them for they know not the rules of script writing.) Then Iraqi officials called it a cock-and-bull story. (Make it a cattle-and-ram story.) France and Germany say no to war. (Americans call them the old Europe) And even Russia is not impressed. Is it because they have their hands on Iraqi oil? (Never mind anyway. That Powerless country is part of "pieces of eight")

Before then, Africa's Nelson Mandela, was up in arms against George Bush Jnr. and Tony Blair. He called Bush an arrogant man intent in plunging the world into a holocaust, calling Blair George Bush's foreign minister .He even says that Bush wants to render the UN irrelevant because an African -Koffi Annan - not a Whiteman, is Secretary-General.

But some wonder why Mandela said so. Is it that old age is telling on him? And he is forgetting things as if he crossed the River Lethe. Or drank Mandragora. Does he not know that Tony Blair, Britain's Prime Minister cannot be a foreign minister to the president of another sovereign country? And it pained not a few Africans that this their illustrious son has forgotten elementary government.

Regarding his anti war stance, some point to his guerilla war against white South Africa. After all, his "terrorism" paid off because South Africa is now free of violence, anarchists, and rapists. And Bush and Blair want to make the earth a paradise-- free of devils-- by declaring war on dangerous Iraq. Forget Nelson Mandela. When last did a black man say useful things?

Now the game is over for Saddam Hussein. We are going to war. Do not think of the effect of the war on the world economy. After all, Iraq has some of the world's finest oil. When we win the war, we would install our own Governor - General and take charge of the oil. You can imagine the rest of the story.

Do not think of the humanitarian cost. For Saddam has always gassed his own people to death. So, what if a few Iraqis die for the salvation of the many. Regarding the soldiers that would die in battle, never mind about that. For they would have beautiful memorial tombs erected for them .And the sons of the war planners would lay wreaths on them, and write their epitaghs. Some would take Charles Dickens book A TALE OF TWO CITIES with them to the grave yard, and copy the opening lines: "It was a summer of hope. It was a winter of despair".

When Charles Dickens wrote A TALE OF TWO CITIES, however, he was not thinking of the war on terror. Or wepunmassdistrucshun. But in the world of James Bond, anything goes.

THE WINTER OF DESPAIR

We are ready to attack Iraq. The spy planes have done their work and we know just where to strike. So we advance with guns and bombs through the torturous Iraqi desert terrain. We kill and maim as we go, and the enemy decimates our soldiers, too. And we the surviving soldiers press on, ever wearing our masks. Because this "mad" man that rules this evil empire could use anything on us - including chemicals and biological weapons. But alas - after all the hazards, we win and disarm Iraq.

THE SUMMER OF HOPE

We celebrate our victory. The world will be a better place to live now without dangerous weapons in the hands of this evil country. Israel has these weapons too, but that country is better behaved. Besides, they are God's chosen people.

The newly appointed Governor-General has just inspected his guard-of-honor, and is telling Iraqis how different this new democratic, liberal regime will be. For the people will now enjoy total freedom and life will be more abundant.

We hear many wonderful Arabian Night stories. It was told of a poor Arab cattle rearer who bought a field to graze his livestock. But unbeknownst to him, the field was laid with gold. And this poor shepherd now became a fabulously rich sheikh ever after.

The story strikes a semblance to our adventure. Because after we have buried thousands of our dead soldiers, and laid beautiful wreaths on their tombs, we retire to reflect on the success of our mission. Suddenly, we find ourselves, champagne in hand, floating on top of fine-grade Iraqi oil; watching Saddam Hussein hanging on a 1000-foot high pole and listening to a musical composition of Collins Powell. And it happens to be the musical rendition of the poem, PARADISE REGAINED by the blind poet, John Milton.It was then that I realized the vision of Collins Powell, and I remembered the JAMES BOND story at the UN.

Bravo!

ARTHUR ZULU. The Most Controversial Writer in the World is the author of the best -selling book HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER. For your copy and FREE excerpt, click on:
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About the Author

ARTHUR ZULU. The Most Controversial Writer in the World is the author of the best -selling book HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER.