Chemistry

CHEMISTRY what is it,and do we really need it? CHEMISTRY-Just the mention of this term conjures up powerful feelings and images for anyone who has ever been in or seeking a love relationship. It is often described as a feeling that leaves you breathless, excited and weak in the knees. Palms sweat, the heart races and the body tingles with nervous anticipation,Wow! It is believed by virtually everyone that true love cannot exist without chemistry. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting relationship. Right? well it definitley helps to assist the bonding process, but, for this definition of chemistry it is only limited to one's physical response to another person. It lacks an entire dimension that resides in our values, beliefs, personalities,social and family background and worldview. In order to know you have the right connection with a potential (or existing) partner, it's important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of, instead of embracing only the myths that surround it. This can be difficult to do. This intense, physical passion is the stuff that Oscar winning movies and best-selling books are made of. So, although as intoxicating as sipping champagne...take a step back for a minute and see if you recognize yourself in the following. Sex is great. You have such strong physical chemistry, it's almost like an addiction. You long to see your love interest as frequently as possible, when you are apart your mind is full of them, how they smell, the feel of their skin, how you feel when you make love.... and a deep longing to be with them as much as you can. It is literally like being intoxicated, in fact you are, with PEA! These vignettes are great examples of how physical chemistry can be mistaken for the real thing. The attraction on one level is so strong, you believe that the relationship has the right elements to grow into a happy and satisfying partnership, all that you are feeling are physical symptoms - What you need for this to grow is a common ground of values, beliefs and goals. Once you have established all these elements then you have the ultimate foundation in which to build your relationship upon. Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins during our first contact with someone, although on occasions it can grow, how often have you heard two people meet, they didn't like each other, then at a later date they meet again and find themselves falling for each other. Chemistry - can it DEVELOP over time ? YES, but you do need some pull from the very beginning. Chemistry is about our sub-conscious blue print we have formed over many years stemming from childhood. Our first emotional bonding experiences with our opposite sex parent will remain imprinted on our minds, to our surroundings and the relationships formed throughout our lives, hence some people are attracted to particular types of partners, this will almost certainly be down to a long history of forming strong bonds with those kind of people. The chemical that results from this attraction (and intensifies it) is phenylethylamine - or PEA. It is a naturally occurring substance in the brain,and within a matter of seconds it kicks in to action on first meeting,providing after the initial photo blue print of that person meets and matches all our conscious and sub-conscious requirements.. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected. When these chemicals are being secreted in larger doses, they send signals from the brain to the other organs of the body. If you wonder why you or someone is attracted to the "wrong" person, it may be because you are high on the physical response to these substances, which overwhelm your ability to use your head and exercise "good judgment and common sense". "Spiritual affinity" develops over time with repeated contact. When these feelings begin to emerge, the brain produces endorphins. These are more like morphine and result in an increased sense of calm that reduces anxiety and helps to build attachment. Generally speaking, all "soul mate relationships" require at least some measure of each of these. The important thing to remember is that they come in stages, which is not to say that the physical attraction passes as one moves into a deeper connection. However, it changes. We cannot sustain those intense emotions as we travel down the road to commitment and a shared life. Although, in healthy relationships those moments of intensity can and do occur for brief intervals at intermittent times. Remember not to confuse great sex or deep friendship with romantic love. Instead, look for a measure of both of these in your feelings for another. For then you have the ingredients that lasting love is made from. Reasons why we want to fall in love... Because that experience makes us feel completely alive, where every sense is heightened, and every emotion is magnified. Our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon, but that doesn't diminish its value, because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives.. Good Luck! Jill Rhodes-Harvey